Life after one year of meditating
Introducing a daily meditation practice into my life has been the best thing I could ever have invested in. It has changed my life and I know that as I deepen my practice it will continue to transform me on the deepest level possible.
For me, meditation is a way to create a beautiful, meaningful life on this earth and after one year of meditating and immersing myself into the Vedic tradition, I can honestly say that I feel the happiest I have been in the longest time.
I am feeling more confident, clear, open and loving.
I am more stable and calm within.
I am able to experience more subtlety and depth of emotions.
I experience connection with others on a deeper level.
And, I feel full.
Before I started meditating, I never considered myself to be a stressed, angry or depressed person. But I felt that there was something missing in my life. I felt lost, I didn’t know who or what I was and it made me sad. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me, that I didn’t fit in. I never really had big desires or dreams, strong opinions or beliefs. I didn’t fit into any ‘subculture’; no favourite music genre, no clothing style, no favourite book.
Looking back, I can see that I was experiencing a conflict of identity. I thought to be successful, intelligent and happy you had to have it all figured out. The values and expectations of society pressured me into continuing to look for an identity, what was generally considered valuable or important to everyone. I tried to discover what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, what my hobbies were and what my standpoint was on all kind of topics.
My mind was in the future, attempting to work it all out and so I became anxious. There were times that I just had no idea what to do and this feeling paralysed me. I felt stuck, stagnant and afraid to make decisions. Because of this, nothing changed and I kept seeking for my identity in all the wrong places. The stress in my mind translated into monthly flues, digestive problems, eczema and many other health conditions. All though I knew I was unhappy, I thought this experience of life was normal. I thought this was just how life was, just ‘a bit of a struggle’. And, looking in from the outside, my life did look pretty good. I had friends, a loving family, worked in hospitality and traveled to beautiful places.
And then it just hit me.
Why was I worrying about all the things that may or may not happen in the future? Why was I filled with such anxiety when I had no idea what was in stall for me? Why would I want to live my life in anxiety, not being able to enjoy the present? The idea that I didn’t have to know exactly what I wanted to be doing in the future felt simultaneously revolutionary and like the most obvious thing in the world.
So, I let go of putting so much effort into planning and looking ahead. I started to live more day to day, week to week, month to month. And after I had made this change it felt like the biggest weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Slowly I started to ‘find’ my identity. I was a vegan, traveler, food blogger interested in the environment, sustainability and spirituality. I thought I finally figured it out until one day in a beautiful yoga studio in Bali, tears came rolling down my cheeks. There was still a massive hole inside of me. I realised that I did not truly love myself. And so, once again I felt so lost.
A few months later, I got introduced to meditation by a special friend and soon after I was learning the Vedic meditation technique with Laura Poole, who is now my dear friend and the most amazing teacher. I was accepted into such a beautiful community where I felt safe to share, be vulnerable and work through my ideas of who and what I thought I was and to let go of a whole bunch of shit that was not relevant in my life anymore.
MY BIGGEST LEARNINGS
Meditation is for everyone! You don’t have to be ‘spiritual’, do yoga or read ‘The Power of Now’. You just have to find a place to sit and close your eyes for 20min.
Life is not about constructing an identity around yourself. It is about letting go of all the beliefs/ ideas you have around who you think you are. You are so much more than your job, the amount of money in your bank account, the number of Instagram followers, the number of books you have read, the clothes you wear, …
We are the creators of our own life. We can change the state or situation we are living in. We can do so much more than we think!
Everyone can access their creative state. Stress blocks creativity. The calmer you are, the more room for creativity.
Joy cannot be found in the outside world, it has to start within.
Your ‘problems’ won’t just all disappear when you meditate but you will realise that there are actually not as many problems as you thought there were.
The quieter your mind, the more in touch you can get with your intuition. The more you follow your intuition, the more frictionless your life becomes.
Life will keep throwing stuff at you, but you will find it easier to deal with.
There are many more learnings but by far my biggest is that we are not supposed to be these individual beings living by ourselves struggling to get through life. We are meant to live in communities, have support, care and love. And we are not meant to be overwhelmed and struggle through life.
We are meant to feel capable and strong to handle anything that comes our way and have fun!
Life is becoming better and better. I feel more of purpose and I feel like I belong. This is helping me grow in all aspects of life.
’’Meditation is the key that gives you access to infinite states of expansion, growth and joy. Life is about the process, not the outcome. So, sit back, relax, meditate and enjoy the ride’’
Words from my teacher Laura Poole
AND LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!
x Cailin